Tiffany Painter

Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m constantly fighting against the current of society rather than embracing life and really living in this world. This restless feeling got me to pick up a book off my TBR (to be read) pile that had been waiting for the perfect moment to be read. Now was that moment. The book by Bishop Mariann Edgar Budde is called How We Learn to Be Brave – Decisive Moments in Life and Faith. I am still reading so can’t give you a review of the whole book, but the first three chapters shared great messages. Chapter one is about deciding to go. In this chapter Budde reminds the reader that taking a leap into the unknown is often scary, but when done with purpose when we feel summoned to go, can lead to amazing things. She referenced something called a “Lifequake.” This is something so big it changes our meaning, direction, or purpose. I experienced a Lifequake when I made the difficult decision to leave teaching. I knew I was giving up something I had worked hard for and had poured my whole self into, but I also knew education had changed so much and wasn’t something I wanted to continue making my family sacrifice for. It took a couple of years to really feel like I had an identity separate from that of teacher. The second chapter is about deciding to stay. This decision is often seen as no action, but sometimes staying can be harder than going. This can refer to relationships (friends, family, and romantic), location, jobs, etc. Staying is capable of providing stability when that is what is needed. Budde wrote that “choosing stability in an area can give those who depend on us opportunity to thrive and grow.” She did not mean we are expected to sacrifice ourselves for someone else’s happiness, but when we make the choice to stay for ourselves, we might find we are the ones thriving and growing, When we stay we have to commit; we have to be all in, even if just for a set amount of time. When I left teaching, I made the decision only a few months after the year started. I considered leaving mid-year because it was such a bad situation for me. My children told me to consider the entire class and if my being there helped just a couple kids, then I should stay for the rest of the school year. I could immediately picture the faces of the students that relied on me to continue their personal education journey and knew staying was the right thing. That meant I had to be all in though. I know some of the adults will say I wasn’t all in, but for the kids I was. I set the end date and then buckled down to finish the year with them. The third chapter is about deciding to start. For me, this chapter was about putting the first two chapters together. Sometimes we need to stay and get ready for going. As I ended one part of my life by leaving education, I had to start preparing for the next step. I used the rest of the year to think about how I wanted the next part of living to look like. It’s been three years now that I can’t call myself a teacher anymore, and that took some adjustment. In this quieter phase of my life, I now call myself a writer. I made that decision to start and have been learning and practicing and working on my craft. And for anyone else who is walking this path as well, it does not take finding an agent or editor and getting a book deal to call yourself a writer, it just takes putting ideas down on paper (or screen). For me, I’ve made the decision to start living with purpose.

4/24

raised for confinement
like animals at the zoo
flowers in a vase

4/26

books divided by type
sign of too many waiting
yet drawn back for more

4/27

sneaks across the path
wrapping soft arms around us
foggy morning walk

5/2

winter’s last holdout
defiantly standing tall
waving bare branches

5/3

after snowy months
before sweltering season
perfect lilac days