Tiffany Painter

Last week I attended my favorite writing conference of the year. The opening speaker talked about her experiences with imposter syndrome. Writers battle these feelings frequently. Since hearing her speak, I’ve been revisiting her speech and my own experiences of feeling like an imposter. My takeaway is that I have been fighting a war in my head for most of my life. As a child, I always questioned where I fit in. Was I good enough for one group or another? Did I deserve the grades I got, awards I received, friends I had? Notice I never thought I earned those things? These feelings stayed with me into adulthood. Even as a brand new mother I remember questioning the hospital for letting me drive away in charge of the newborn baby buckled into his carrier in the backseat. What were they thinking trusting me to know what I was doing? When I was teaching I never felt sure enough to just wing it like some of my coworkers. I spent endless hours planning lessons and reviewing content to make sure I was smarter than an eight-year-old. My masters degree did nothing to ease my insecurities. Now that I am attempting this writing thing, I worry about being too old or not passionate enough to break through the gatekeepers. I don’t seem to have the same need to write that other writers talk of. For a job, I enjoy writing, but I’ve never thought of it as a hobby I do because it’s fun. I’ve always had stories playing in my head and like the challenge of trying to write them down so they make sense, but it’s not a driving force. Does that mean I’m not actually a writer? After hearing a successful creative person talk about her imposter syndrome, I think it’s safe to say the one thing we all have in common is that we all feel like we’re not enough at some point. The good news is that if everyone is worrying about their own self worth, chances are nobody is taking the time to judge you.

9/24

after meowing,
chasing, jumping, and climbing
comes time for resting

9/28

early morning view
painted sky pulls me along
into a new day

9/29

stories in the sky
like words meeting on paper
waiting to be told

10/4

glowing path waiting
guiding day filled with wonder
gift from closest star

10/5

morning light hiding
still rising above us all
leafage can’t compete